*C'est la vie*! *Life*!

Is it Friday yet?

I have a great job...
I have a great job...
I have a great job...
I have a great job...
I have a great job...
I have a great job...
I have a great job...
I have a great job...
I have a great job...

Hehehe! My thoughts, exactly!!!

Destiny is no matter of Chance.

It is a matter of Choice.

It is not a thing to be waited for,

it is a thing to be achieved.

[verse1:]
you speak only what you hear
easily influential
so secluded no one's near
this home's full of rituals
your mother's goin on strike
tired of preaching sermons and
father's vacation tonight
is somewhat permanent

[chorus]
i gotta go
to somewhere beyond imaginations flow
hear my tone
it says i am alone

[verse2:]
your life seems dysfunctional
it only acts what you show
you're your own psychiatrist
a slight minute from quitting
showing signs of depression
life's falling over and crashing
your heat burns through life lava
and rapes your problem solver, now go

[chorus:]
i gotta go
to somewhere beyond imaginations flow
hear my tone
it says i am alone

[bridge:]
a hideout
manifest stability
let go of doubt
getaway
no flaws will inject or exit my
present place
i gotta burn
experience only allows what i will learn
hear my tone
it says i am alone, yeah.....

[vamp]
na, na, na, na, na
na, na, na, na, na
na, na, na

i hear your tone
and you're so not alone
you're so not alone

This is your first english lesson!

Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Ability: 1. A poor man’s worth; 2. What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Absentee: A missing golfing accessory.

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.

Academy Awards: A place where everyone lets off esteem.

Accident: 1. A condition of affairs in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better; 2. A head-on collision between two stationary cars parked on their own sides of the road.

Accordion: 1. An instrument invented by the man who couldn’t decide how big the one was that got away; 2. A stomach Steinway; 3. An instrument whose music is long drawn out.

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Accrue: People who work on a ship.

Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.

Acoustic: An instrument used in shooting pool.

Acquaintance: 1. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous; 2. A person we know who falls short of being a friend, either because he isn’t well-to-do enough, or because he won’t let us borrow from him; 3. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Acrobat: The person who turns a flop into a success.

Actor: 1. A guy who, if you ain’t talking about him, he ain’t listening; 2. A man who tries to be everything but himself; 3. A man with an infinite capacity for taking praise; 4. A person who makes $500,000 a year some weeks.

Actor’s Agent: A guy who sometimes bites the ham who feeds him.

Acupuncture: A jab well done.

Adage: To become older.

Adam: The first white slave.

Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention.

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Adamant: The very first insect.

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

Adolescence: 1. An independent state, highly taxing yet often insolvent, located just beyond comprehension; 2. A period in which girls try to make little boys stop asking questions, and big boys begin; 3. A period in which children begin to question the answers; 4. That period when a boy refuses to believe that someday he’ll be as dubm as his father; 5 that period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life; 6. The period in which the young suddenly begin to feel a great responsibility about answering the phone; 7. The period when a girl begins to powder and a boy begins to puff; 8 when a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how; 9. When boys begin to notice that girls notice boys who notice girls; 10. When children start bringing up their parents; 11. The age when a girl’s voice changes from no to yes.

Adolescent: A teenager who acts like a baby when you don’t treat him like an adult.

Adorable: What you ring when you go visiting.

Adore: To venerate expectantly.

Adult Education: A strenuous effort to learn about things that bored you when you were still young enough to profit from them.

Adulatery: Cheating on your wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe.

Adult: One who has stopped growing except in the mid-section.

Adversity: 1. The only diet that will reduce a fat head; 2. The state in which a man most easily becomes acquainted with himself, being especially free from admirers then.

Advertising: 1. That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of; 2. 15 percent commission and 85 percent confusion.

Advertising Agency: Eighty-five percent confusion and fifteen percent commission.

Advertising Executive: Yessir, nosir, ulcer.

Advice: 1. Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain; 2. That which the wise don’t need and fools won’t take; 3. The one thing which it is “more blessed to give than receive;” 4. The worst vice; 5. You never know whether it’s good or not until you no longer need it.

After-Dinner Speaker: 1. A fellow who rises to the occasion – and then stands too long; 2. A man who knows exactly what not to say, but not when to quit saying it; 3. A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them; 4. The guy who starts the bull rolling.

After-Dinner Speech: 1. Though boring, gives us the low-down on a lot of people we used to consider bright; 2. The highest possible longitude and the lowest possible platitude.

Aftermath: The period following algebra.

Afternoon Snack: The pause that refleshes.

Age: That which makes wine worth more and women less.

Airplanes: One of those things that’s of no earthly use.

Airflow: Condition of a car created by putting the wife in the back seat.

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Alarm Clock: That which scares the daylight out of you.

Alarms: What an octopus is.

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

Alcazar: What the Spaniards took for an upset stomach.

Alcohol: 1. A liquid good for preserving almost everything except secrets; 2. Something which often puts the wreck in recreation; 3. The only known substance that will make a woman beautiful when taken internally – by her escort.

Alibi: Slip cover.

Alimony: 1. A man’s cash surrender value; 2. Another war debt a lot of husbands would like to see cancelled; 3. A one-man war debt; 4. A splitting headache; 5. Bounty on the mutiny; 6. Giving comfort to the enemy; 7 man’s best proof that you have to pay for your mistakes; 8. One more form of the guaranteed annual wage; 9. The high cost of leaving; 10. The high cost of loving; 11. The method some women use for taking the drudgery out of housework; 12. The stuff that makes separations look like reparations; 13. When a bride continues to get wedding gifts after the divorce; 14. The fee a woman charges for name-dropping; 15. That which enables a woman who at one time lived happily married to live happily unmarried.

Allege: A high rock shelf.

Allegro: One leg becoming longer than the other.

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Amateur Photographer: 1. A boy’s future; a man’s past; 2. An itching sensation caused by inflammation of the wishbone; 3. The last refuge of the failure; 4. What it takes to get where you’ll wish you hadn’t bothered.

Ambition: Goaled rush.

Ambivalence: Two decides to every question.

American History: The replacement of the red Indian by red tape.

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Ancestral Pride: Going forward by backing up.

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Ante Merediem: That's why he's my Uncle.

Antelope: Why Grandpa won't forgive Uncle!

Anthologist: A lazy fellow who like to spend a quiet evening at home “raiding a good book.”

Antidote: 1. The reason Mom's sister keeps hugging you every time she can catch you; 2. Medicine that kills dotes.

Antimony: A necessity in any poker game being played for money.

Antique: 1. An object that has made a round trip to the attic; 2. Something no one would be seen with if there were more of them; 3. Something too old to be anything but too expensive.

Antisocial: Mother's sister being friendly.

Apartment Building: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Apology: 1. Egotism wrong side out; 2. Laying the foundation for a future offence; 3. Politeness too late; 4. The attempt to escape punishment for a mistake.

Appeaser: One who feeds a crocodile – hoping it will eat him last.

Appendicitis: A modern pain, costing about $2,000 more than the old-fashioned stomach ache.

Appendix Girl: The kind that gets taken out.

Applause: The echo of a platitude.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work for McDonald's.

Archaeologist: 1. A science that proves you can’t keep a good man down; 2. The science of digging around to find another civilization to blame ours on; 3. A man whose career lies in ruins.

Archaeology: A science that proves you can’t keep a good man down.

Arch Criminal: One who robs shoe stores.

Archery: A collection of arches.

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Argument: Where two people are trying to get the last word in first.

Armadillo: Possum on the half shell.

Army Captain: A uniform with two chips on each shoulder.

Arrow Margin: Milestone for an Archery contest winner.

Arson: 1. Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage; 2. Our daughter’s brother.

Artery: Study of paintings.

Artichoke: 1. Strip tease with mayonnaise; 2. The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started.

Artificial insemination: Copulation without representation.

Artistic Temperament: Seldom recognized until it’s too old to spank.

Art School: A place for young girls to pass the time between high school and marriage.

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Artistry: A coterie of artists.

Ascribe: Newspaper reporter.

Ash Tray: Something for a cigarette but when there is no floor.

Aspersion: An Iranian donkey.

Aspire: Where dead donkeys are cremated.

Assistant: A fellow that can’t get off.

Astronaut: A whirled traveller – the only man who is glad to be down and out.

Atheist: 1. A man who doesn’t care who wins the Super Bowl; 2. A man who has no invisible means of support; 3. A man who looks through a telescope and tries to explain all that he can’t see.

Athlete: A dignified bunch of muscles, unable to split wood or sift ashes.

Atlas: Finally.

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Auction: A place where, if you aren’t careful, you’ll get something for nodding.

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

August: The month you can’t open the bus window which you couldn’t close in December.

Australian Kiss: Same as French Kiss, only down under.

Author: 1. A fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations; 2. A guy who’s usually write.

Autobiography: 1. Fiction written by someone who knows the facts; 2. An I-witness account.

Auto Driver: A person who speeds up to get in front of you so he can slow down.

Autobiography: A book that proves that the only thing wrong with its author is his memory.

Automation: 1. The science of doing it with machines at the plant so that men can have more time to do it themselves at home; 2. Man’s effort to make work so easy that women can do it all.

Automobile: 1. A guided missile; 2. A vehicle which is rapidly dividing mankind into two classes: the quick and the dead.

Avail: Piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly.

Average: The poorest of the good and the best of the bad.

Average Joe: Guys who have nothing better in their lives than to read joe-ks @ joe-ks.com …

Average Husband: One who isn’t as good as she thought he was before she married him, nor as bad as she thinks he is afterward.

Average Man: 1. A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that; 2. One who thinks he isn’t; 3. The fellow who gets mad when you refer to him as the average man.

Average Person: One who thinks someone else is the average person.

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Avowal: a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y.

Awe: Wow of silence.

Awkward Age: When girls are too old to count on their fingers and too young to count on their legs.

Axiom: A thing that is so visible that it is not necessary to see it.

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud like I did! 

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review. You will understand what 'tendjewberrymud' means by the end of the conversation…

Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees."
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye… Ruin sorbees… morny! Djewish to odor sunteen?"
G: "Uh… yes… I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ouw July den?"
G: "What?"
RS: "Ouw July den?... pryd, boyd, poochd?"
G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ouw July dee baychem? Crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"
RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."
RS: "No? Judo sahn toes?"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo sahn toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!... Why djew Don Juan toes? Ouw bow Anglish moppin we boter?"
G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We boter?"
G: "No... just put the boter on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter… just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy... tea... mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Scram egg, crease baychem, Anglish moppin we boter on sigh and copy.... rye?"
G: "Whatever you say."
RS: "Tendjewberrymud."
G: "You're very welcome."

[Spoken]
Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the fame, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
We're the song inside the tune
Full of beautiful mistakes

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun will always shine
(sun will always shine)
And tomorrow we might wake on the other side
All the other times

We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down
We are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

No matter what side of the argument you are on,

you always find people on your side

that you wish were

on the other side!

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